Chasing Cars
by The Leaf 180
Summary: Sakumo had watched Kakashi learn and grow all through his childhood. Now Kakashi finds him in the afterlife, and Sakumo is finally at peace. But destiny has another path for Kakashi and Sakumo will wait forever for his boy to come home to him. Songfic.


GREETINGS! This is my first Songfic and I'm proud of it! The song is Chasing Cars by snow patrol._ Italics are the lyrics to the song. _Check it out! Do I even have to explain it? FatherXSon kind of thing. Watch/read Kakashi Gaiden first! Before and after the song is after kakashi died!

* * *

He had to say, he was completely caught off guard. He had all the time in the world, he had spent years preparing for this moment but Sakumo was still at a loss for words. So it was him. His son. Kakashi. It felt good to say his name again. See him, feel his presence.

He was back.

* * *

_We'll do it all, everything. On our own_

He remembered those days. When they both were younger and care-free. There was nothing to worry them, no rules to bind them. Just the simple, sheer pleasure of a father and his son. They were the perfect team. They could do anything together.

_We don't need, anything or anyone_

Little Kakashi was adorable, he was innocent and open minded he was gentle and respected even the smallest forms of life. He was brave and eager to explore his world, where every day was a new adventure. He was perfect to his father. Sakumo could escape the worries of his life and loose himself in Kakashi's wide eyed wonder.

_If I lay here, would you lie with me? And just forget the world?_

It was like heaven in the form of a boy, who represented everything Sakumo had to live for. And that field. It was their favorite field. It was the perfect clearing with the perfect dip in the ground. It was good for relaxing in the shade and watching the sunlight stream into the hollow. Kakashi had called it their clearing. It was the perfect safe haven, no noise, no distractions just them, away from the stress of everyday life.

Sakumo could lay there forever.

_I don't quite know, How to say, how I feel_

There were so many things Sakumo could have used to describe his son. He was… amazing. He was kind, calm, smart, compassionate, friendly, reliable, sweet, he didn't mind pressure and he worked diligently. He had integrity, he was strong and serious, and he was swift and patient. He could be bold, he could be thoughtful, and sometimes he could be childish and naïve as he should be. He was graceful and had a good sense of humor. Was mature for his age and had a sense of trust. But when the time came for Sakumo to tell him, there was no way for him to summon all his feelings and gather his thoughts. But there seemed to be an unspoken conversation and Kakashi just seemed to know that his fathered cared.

Because he did.

_Those three words are said too much. They're not enough_

"I love you…" It wasn't like Sakumo hadn't told Kakashi that. He told him every chance he got. It wasn't enough to satisfy Sakumo, he wished for his son to realize just how much he meant to him. Before they ran out of time together. Nothing lasts forever; eventually all good things come to an end. But despite what would lay in store for them in the future, no matter how hard life seems for them, Kakashi just had to remember that, if nothing else.

_Forget what we're told, before we get too old. _

Life was precious, Sakumo knew that above all else. Cherish every moment you're given, because it can all be taken away. It was a tough decision, it was rash and unprepared. Life was catching up to him and his comrades lives were on the line. His friends were in danger and that was all that mattered. Rules weren't important at that moment, time was running out.

And Sakumo made a decision that would change his whole life, take his world and turn it upside down, and he regretted it with every breath he took.

_Show me our garden, that's bursting into life._

He longed to see their clearing again. It had been a while since he had seen the sunlight, the fresh air, the free grass dancing in the breeze. The rough chipped bark aged with time. That never failed to provide shelter for the duo. Before life became so cruel and unforgiving. Before the complications and before Kakashi grew up. His son wasn't the same harmless, pure child he used to be. He was a young man, serious and busy. But he always found a way to spend time with his father. He needed Kakashi to heal him with his memories, and give him a reason to go on.

_Let's waste time, chasing cars around our heads_

Life was straightforward and effortless back then. He wanted to go back to that. He wanted to lay with Kakashi in their clearing. Without the worries and complex difficulty of everyday life. Where he could go and cut himself off from the frustrations and doubts that he lived in. To rise above the suspicions and burdens of knowledge. Where there was nowhere better to be, no one he would rather spend his day with. Where they could let go and watch the clouds all day if they wanted to. They hung suspended, mockingly in the air, so far away from bothers and nuisances. With no one to stop them, no rules to tie them to humanity. Beyond the borders. They were free, far away in their own fantasy. But there was no knight in shining armor for Sakumo.

Only in reality he wasn't as alone as he thought.

_I need your grace to remind me to find my own_

Why? Why did he suddenly think it was okay to break and leave Kakashi to pick up the pieces? They needed each other. He saw his son, the boy who was everything he wanted to be. Kakashi had said when he was younger he wanted to be just like his father. But Kakashi never will, Kakashi was already better than him. Maybe if he had heard his son as he tried to rebuild his father he would have opened his eyes. Maybe he would have noticed his little boy desperately attempting to save him from bleak depression. Maybe Kakashi could have cured him. And if Sakumo had given him the chance, he would have. Would it be enough to turn his life around? Would it be enough to save him from his mind?

If Sakumo had taken the chance, he would have been right.

_All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they're all I can see_

He had always been there for his son, through good and bad, sun and rain, happiness and sorrow. He saw himself, the silver hair and the clouded black eyes. He saw the traits, the solitary attitude that isolated him from the world, the charm, the defiance, the ability to get the job done quick and efficiently. It was all around him, every time he looked at his son he was struck with his mellow gaze, more intelligent then he appeared. The responsibility Kakashi now was set to handle. His independence. It was all around him. He was growing up; the days of their meadow were over. He was beginning to peer deeper into Sakumo. Look closer at the man he thought was invincible. Sakumo could only watch in his daze as his son advanced with experience and skill. His time was up. He had been beaten.

Kakashi had surpassed the White Fang.

_I don't know where, confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

He wasn't sure if Kakashi knew what had happened on his mission exactly. He wasn't sure if Kakashi understood the depths of it or just how severe his mistakes where. He wasn't sure if Kakashi knew just how far he had strayed from the rules. But that was not important, his senses were fogged and his mind slowed, he could feel it getting harder to wake up each day, harder to keep going. He had messed up, and his son would carry the guilt of it forever if he didn't fix this nightmare. He could feel the ache in his heart where his little boy had been. Now a young man. But Sakumo had never stopped caring, all through the years of watching his son grow, he had been proud. And that would stay the same forever. He wasn't thinking as he held the sword in his hands. His face grim and expressionless as he watched glinting in the moonlight. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was doing this…because he was a coward. Because he could stand another day of this shame. All he needed was Kakashi to try and understand.

And maybe even forgive him someday.

* * *

Sakumo eyes widened as his son look him square in the eyes and tell him was his heart had needed for all these years.

He forgave him, and he even understood why. He was proud of him as a father, and he didn't believe that Sakumo had failed.

Sakumo actually smiled a warm, honest smile.

Everything would be okay. For once in a long time Sakumo's mind was at ease. His little boy, his anchor, the light of his life. He had returned to him.

And Sakumo was at peace, finally things were looking up. His son was here, and he had filled the lonely gap in Sakumo's heart.

He gazed at the fire, wishing for this moment to never end.

But then it was there, it was a pale teal.

It swallowed up Kakashi, who was almost as astonished as his father.

Sakumo was filled with remorse, and pain. He had recognized it immediately, Kakashi was leaving him again. Almost as soon as he had come.

It seems that there was still something life needed him for.

Life was cruel…

Sakumo had grasped joy for a few precious seconds just to have it be ripped away again. He could see in Kakashi's eyes that he was torn too.

But if that was the path destiny had chosen him to follow, so be it. There was nothing Sakumo could do to relax the grip of fate on his son.

He could only watch with bittersweet regret as his boy faded away.

Far from him where he could not follow, where there where his own precious people waiting for him with bonds he could never understand.

And all too soon, his innocent son was separated from him. Lost on the road of chance, his happiness merged with sorrow.

Leaving Sakumo alone in the dark.


End file.
